I had a crazy morning and had no idea that there had been a mass shooting in Colorado until we got in the car to come back from Grant's yearly check up and heard that there had been a shooting. So I ran home and turned on the noon news on the TV and watched. Devastating. My kids were with me and I hurried and made them lunch so I could listen to the news report. They sat with me eating grilled cheese. After the reported finished, they had a physiologist talk about how to deal with kids regarding this tragedy. The first thing he said about younger children was simply not tell them about it (still not sure if that is the right approach but whatever). So I turned the TV off.
Later, at dinner, Jane started asking all kinds of questions about what happened in Colorado. Who was that guy? Are those people dead forever? Does that guy live in our land? What's an 'injury'? Do people die from them? What happens when we go to live with Heavenly Father? Does he make the injuries better? The police got that guy so there are no more bad guys, right? What if bad guys come to our house? What's a weapon? Who sent that man here? His mom? Why is he a bad guy? Am I a bad girl? We should just kill all the bad guys, right mom?
No one prepares you for these kinds of questions coming from a 5 year old. I tried to answer to the best of my abilities and in a way she would understand without freaking her out. But the truth is, even I don't understand it all. I have no idea why that guy was a "bad guy" and why he did what he did. All I could offer her was my protection and that Heavenly Father will take care of us and the people who got hurt. She cried a little. It broke my heart. To have the world seem such a scary place. . .at 5?!?!?!? Part of me regrets letting her watch that news program. She shouldn't have to face the real world so early. And maybe that psychologist was right--just don't even tell your kids what happened.
But at the same time, I can't keep the world from her or her from the world. I am the vulture mother--the one who stands on the doorstep to make sure the kids get to their friends' house safe. The one who checks on them constantly just to make sure they are ok. Jane and Grant hate this. But today I was able to explain why I do it. I was able to express to her that it's because I love her and want to protect her from the "bad guys" out there. I think it's important for her to know that there are people out there who do bad things but there are also "good guys" who protect us. That God is watching over her and so are her parents and that even if something bad happened, she will be ok.
I don't have all the answers and I know that children expect grown-ups to. My heart broke today. For the people who were in that theater and their loved ones but also for my daughter. I wish I could give her a better world. I wish I could give her all the answers to all her questions.
Side note: Tonight at bedtime I went to tuck her in and one of her goldfish was dead. Perfect. So with teary eyes, we flushed Anna down the toilet. "Don't worry, Sweetie. She's with Heavenly Father now." She looked up a bit confused and pointed to the toilet, "But how's He gonna get her out of there?"
4 comments:
Check out Fred Rogers web page... it talks about how to talk with kids about it. It also has a great quote on there on looking for the helpers in a tragedy. That may help. you are a good Momma Whit. Love you.
Oh, this is such a sad post but such a good one. Jane asked the questions we ALL want the a answers to! It is a scary world and when I think about our little people facing it, I get scared. But it's nice also to have confidence in God, to know that he is there watching over us, even though he van't protect us from the bad choices others sometimes make.
Sometimes I wonder if we really knew in the pre-earth life what we were getting ourselves into if we would have so eagerly signed up to get a body. The world is scary, but the world is so good, too. Maybe look up some of the amazing things that are happening in the world today. Go buy a couple of burgers and drop them off to some of the homeless people around SLC. I don't know. Sometimes when I don't know what to say with my kids, we just pray for help and comfort.
Whit, it sounds like you handled the situation perfectly. Isn't it great that we have a knowledge of the gospel? While we don't have all the answers to why bad things happen, we do have faith in a loving Heavenly Father.
And Jane's last comment is classic kid for you. Just when you've had a good heart to heart, they remind you that they are still young!
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