So you know that kid in nursery or daycare or on the playground that likes to push and kick and take toys that aren't his/hers and pull hair and cause general mischief. I used to loathe that kid. This past month, it has come to my attention, that Jane is that kid. Two weeks ago she got kicked out of nursery for pushing and pulling hair. The nursery leaders exact words were: "Usually she's pretty good, but today it's been really bad." I took her back to nursery after a talk about being nice and watched her push an unsuspecting kid off of his chair so she could sit there for snack time. What the?!?!!? We had several long talks with her about "hugs not hits" and that she wouldn't be able to go back to nursery if she was mean. This past Sunday she stayed in nursery the whole time. When I went to pick her up I asked the teachers how she was. They looked at me kind of strangely and said, "She was fine. She just went around hugging everyone. . ." I was so proud and happy that that was all it took to solve her violent ways. But alas, it wasn't.
We went to a playground at the mall with some friends the next day and Jane was terrible!!! She was pushing and pulling and hitting. She pushed some unknown kid off of the top of the slide flat on his back! She took several time outs and still the message didn't sink in. It wasn't until I took away one of her princess dolls that she started to regret her actions.
I am totally beside myself! I don't know how to change this behavior. She isn't really around other kids that much (besides Bubba) so I don't know if the solution is to schedule more play dates for her (but then I worry about the well being of the poor kids chosen to play with her) or whether to isolate her until the behavior improves. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. And a big apology to all those kids out there that my daughter has bullied. We are working on it.
6 comments:
My only suggestion (not as an experienced mom but an experienced child care worker!) is to try and encourage her to USE HER WORDS, to tell the other kids what she wants them to do or what she doesn't like. At my preschool, the kids say "I DON'T LIKE THAT" or "STOP" and then walk away if the person is still doing whatever they don't like. Super hard to encourage her to do that without giving it a try, so I think play dates would be a good idea.
and then IF she keeps to her pushing than, consequences are good (it sounds like you are doing good with that one) or tell her to "walk away" and she can't play with that toy or that kid again for a little while.
p.s. I LOVE THIS MUSIC!! SO SO MUCH
I would also try positive reinforcement-- when we were little my mom used to make us a "dot to dot chart" (kind of a like connect the dot pictures) and every 5 dots or so was a star. When we got to a star, we got a special treat-- so we tried to be as helpful and nice as we could so we could connect a dot. Another technique that I use with my kindergartens is moving them up the Eiffel Tower-- each class has a little person that gets higher and higher up the tower when they are being extra good, and when they arrive at the top they get a treat, etc. It works quite nicely. Then Jane can be trying to be soft to earn something special--not just because you'll take something away. just a thought!
It sounds like you are doing the right things, but sometimes it takes a little bit before you see the results. but if you feel you need suggestions, you should check out this site: http://www.beckybailey.com/disciptip.cfm?identifier=2
Becky Bailey has done a lot a brain research that backs up her strategies and I love love love her. I guess it is the same sort of thing that I learned in college, but when I went to her conference it just seemed to feel right to me.
Thanks everyone!!! All wonderful suggestions that I will put to good use!
I have been working with Alex on this. I tell him when he's upset step #1 is to use his words. If that doesn't work step #2 is to problem-solve (trade the toy he wants for one he has) and step #3 is to ask for the help of Mom or Dad. When I see him getting upset I just yell "Step 1: use your words!" Usually the problem is solved after step one or two.
Isn't parenthood the most fun ever? I was a really calm child, and I was given a completely opposite personality. So much to learn. :)
Take the Early Childhood Love & Logic course. It is life changing for the kids AND you. I'm thinking about sponsoring a class. Would you come up? It's a three week course and it is about $100 but it is seriously worth it. I could tell you all of the things I learned, but it would seriously be better if you just took the course yourself. It's amazing.
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